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Wednesday, February 10, 2010



Find me at...
Diet Sodas and HairSpray

Saturday, December 27, 2008

So Long, Farewell

With 2009 rapidly approaching, I have made the decision to end The Plot Thickens... and start anew.

Happy Holidays readers and I will be posting a new address for a different blog soon.

I will keep these posts published until I can archive some and then I will be shutting this blog down for good.

Out with the old...

In with the unknown.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

It's been a while.

I took a mini vacation from this blog and other online writing projects to focus on my last writing workshop class and my new career path.

I'm headed back to school (kinda) to obtain my teacher's certification in order to teach high school English. Seems to me that this would be meaningful work for me and something I would enjoy.

Anyway, I'm alive. More updates to come.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

A Recap of Sorts

Breaking a glass.

Drop a glass on a hard floor and what happens? It shatters right? All the pieces fall apart. We pick up the sharp edges and we throw them away, curing our clumsy nature or thinking about buying plastic glasses. What we don't do is keep that glass around. It's of no use to us. It no longer holds the water we drink or anything else that we put into it.

But it's really not garbage. Sure, most of us have no nostalgic feelings about a glass, unless it was a gift or something that reminded us of something important. But it's not really trash.

Let's look at this glass again: An event happens which cause the glass to fall to the ground and break apart into pieces. But, what if it falls and only cracks? Or breaks into two large pieces that can be glued back together?

Where is she going with this damn glass?

The glass is of course you and I and the floor, well...the floor is quite literally rock bottom. We are useful at times in our lives, events cause us to fall and sometimes we break apart.

One of those events in life happened this morning. And though I heard the glass break beneath me, one of the loudest crashes I've ever heard, I was surprised when I opened my eyes to see not a million tiny shards of glass, but rather something reusable.

Breaking glasses is inevitable. Mistakes are made, people make choices, things fall apart only enough to fall back together again. Sometimes, that glass wasn't meant to be a glass. OK, maybe it was meant to be a glass but I wasn't. These events that have happened and keep happening to me are driving me in a new direction. It's been a tough year to say the least, complete with looming health problems, job woes, and confidence issues.

I'm still not broken though. I'm still here, with maybe a little less money in my pocket, but with more determination than ever to be what I was supposed to be: a writer. Yes, I'm a writer now and I have been, but I mean a real writer. Someone who writes and publishes her *own* work.

So me, and my slightly cracked body will retire to my laptop, combing through contacts and people I've networked with to try and help me figure this all out. After all, there are many glasses in the cupboard- they all don't have to break.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

earth to bella part 1 (earth to meredith)

Earth to Bella
you think you've got it all figured in
Earth to Bella
everything you know is wrong
well, almost

Earth to Bella
i see where you are not listening
I bear the burden
of being the voice the lets you know
we all grow old
and before you swim you've gotta be ok
to sink

Earth to Bella
The world can be an unfriendly place
so hold your head up
do your best to save some face
its not so hard
just undo yourself and see the second sun
and say

Ok to sink , I'm Ok to sink
Ok to sink

-Incubus

Oh. There You Are. And Here I Am.

Here look, can you see it? See that dot on the map there? That's me. Yeah, I'm in the "Just out of college, trying to make my own path in the world" area. Sort of in between "Already regretting career path" and "Finally being an adult" areas.

See that dot? Yeah, that one way above mine? That's you. You're in the "Well on your way to a successful life" in between "Just made the biggest purchase of my life" and "Career goals are finally coming to fruition" areas.

***

One lousy comment made over dinner can really put things into perspective. The smallest remark made in jest wasn't so funny after all. I awoke this morning, after discussing, no debating....no arguing! over this comment. It's hard for me to verbalize things sometimes. I either get so upset I say mean things that I don't mean, or I can never really spit out what I should be saying and only end up confusing myself and those around me.

I'm not a planner. I'm a dreamer. I dream all day long, out windows and windshields, during sleep, before sleep, after sleep....I dream. It's fantasy and slightly insane, I realize, but hey, I can't deny that I was the girl at 6 with imaginary dinner parties and shows on Broadway (I would perform CATS and Phantom in my room to a sold out audience of stuff animals).

Anyway, so I dream. I think of things that may happen in the future or dream up short story plots and characters that will probably never grace the pages of my notebook.

Dreaming is troublesome because it has no guarantees. As much as I want to see my dot in the "Just signed a book deal" area, it's nowhere near there. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, where he is, hell, maybe even where my parents want me to be.

So instead, I folded clothes in the dark while arguing, trying to put everything in its right place.

***

Dots, dishes, comments, clothes - these are all abstract. They don't mean anything in the real world. Just my world. And now I'm left in both worlds wondering what's next. I've never felt this bad after an argument with my boyfriend before. Can't be a good sign.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

PersonalDNA




I suppose.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

things that i heart.

strawberry chapstick
sour cherry hello kitty candies
stars
special k red berries
new episodes of House
purple nailpolish
serena ryder
chocolate shakes from burger house
domo
being called doodle
new hello kitty pj's
plastic stud earrings
queen ann necklines
my green scarf
gloomy weather
sugar free red bull (only at room temperature)
tiny kisses
half of alan's pb&j sandwich at midnight
pinot noir
red toenails
in rainbows
oversized rings
mona lisa
my grey jetta
outdoor concerts
margaritas
dreaming loud
dancing in grocery aisles
hot showers on cold days
hatha yoga
peanut butter frozen yogurt
tiny valentine's cards
lolcats
giggling
riding in cars
breakfast tacos
more stars
sparkles
sprinkles
cupcakes
trips to the lake
baby faces
miles davis
Shakespearean sonnets
pez dispensers
tour d'effiel
swimming pools
beaches
sno cones
super mario brothers
big blankets
hearts
rain
long hugs
bagel and lox
poetry
painting
watercolors
candles
snowglobes from not-so-popular cities
chocolate labs
dark chocolate!
family
friends
alan
love
laughter

Monday, October 13, 2008

he's home again. <3

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Olivier - Olive Tree




Painted in Memory of a Friend Lost to AIDS.

Where You Used To Be


Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


Where you used to be
On the couch
Driving in your car
By my side

Where you used to be
Standing in the kitchen
Asking if I needed water
Telling me about your day

Where you used to be
Lying on your side
Watching me pretend to sleep
Counting our breaths

Where you used to be
At my front door
Eating at my table
Laughing at my jokes

Where you used to be
That’s where I am now
That’s where I will stay
Until you come home
And be at the places where you used to be
With me.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

stars

Stars
In your multitudes
Scarce to be counted
Filling the darkness
With order and light
You are the sentinels
Silent and sure
Keeping watch in the night
-les mis


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Friday, October 03, 2008

Tiny Yums

I've changed my myspace and twitter to reflect my new found adoration for all star-shaped candies:



I think it's because I love stars, and lets face it, I love candy too. Now I just need to find these guys at a candy store. I found a Canadian website that would sell me a whole lbs. of these little cuties, but I really don't EVER need a lbs. of candy. Ever.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

My style



Just add some leggings and a pair of tattered old converse shoes and that's me.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Starting Anew

I learned a new writing method/process this weekend. Instead of sitting and staring at a blank screen or page, I am to start writing lists. Lists of points that I want to write about, anything that comes to mind.

Then, I'd put that list away and start my beginning, my barebones prose, and then the end. Review the list, cross off what I don't need, and then write. Write. Write. Write.


I painted a lot this weekend. I'm almost finished with a piece for the upcoming art show benefiting an AIDS non-profit in Lake Charles. I also started a bizarre painting that I'm not sure if I'll like yet. Just one of those things. I need to head back to Michael's and pick up some more paint, some shiny varnish stuff, and some more canvases. Painting has been enjoyable for me in the past and I am not sure why I gave it up except that my patience wears thin when I mess up something and have to start again.

The Chemist will be home in less than 2 weeks. Mom's coming in town this weekend. Can't really complain about this time apart because even though I get to talk to him for 5-10 min. a day, at least I get to talk to him. Absence makes the heart grow fonder anyway, right?

I'll post some more pictures of paintings in progress. Comments are encouraged!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

First painting.

Friday, September 26, 2008

On the Eve of Creation

Tomorrow I will attend a writing workshop that will hopefully give me advice, guidance, and support to start a rather large, ambitious project. I'm excited to finally embark on this journey and see what I can create in this class. I'm anxious of course, I'm always a bit anxious.

But I am realizing that I have important stories to tell, important ones about my past, my upbringing, and my family dynamic which has molded me into the woman and writer I am today.

Now, if I could just narrow down my objective...

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

It's only been a week....

...and I really miss him already. Not like, incapacitated with misery or anything. Just miss him. Walking in my apartment in the evenings. Smiling. Big hugs. Things I promised I'd never take for granted and clearly do. Here's to 3ish more weeks of missing him.



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"Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing...
...and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home..." - Secondhand Serenade

lolcats and funny pictures
more animals

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

odd. free flowing thoughts in a bad mood.

am i rare?
raw meat.
am i odd enough?
to compete.
am i strange?
squeaky feet
am i weak?
can't sleep.
am i hopeless?
can't weep.
am i creative?
not enough.

Monday, September 22, 2008

four-eyes

How comfortable is too comfortable?

You know, when you're dating someone for several months, and you start to slowly phase out of the kissy-wissy-honeymoon phase and into a "real relationship" that unbuttoning the top of your pants might be one step above taking them off while watching TV while your hand is hiding in a curious place.

I have consciously tried to leave the figurative top button unbuttoned and only that top button simply because it is my honest belief that when you get too comfortable, too soon, the relationship will end. And not just end with a *poof! let's see other people, OK bye!* end, but a long, tedious, and rather awful end. The Chemist and I are comfortable. We no longer get weird about having the other one over for dinner (the kind of weird that makes you so nervous you can't eat so you just push food around and watch your girlfriend chow down because she is a self-admitted emotional eater...yeah).

But, I do still make an effort to make good food, have a clean apt, fix my hair, and set a nice table for The Chemist. And I think he likes to take me out and be a gentleman still, placing his hand on the small of my back as we enter doorways and holding my hand across the table as we wait for our order to be taken.

There are several things that I will never do in front or beside Alan and I'm sure he has a list of things he wouldn't do in front of me. But, it's not just gross or personal actions that make a couple "too comfortable". It's the times when there's nothing really left to talk about, besides some TV show you watched on Fox or how excited you were to buy cheese on sale. There's times when going to bed without really a kiss or a hug goodnight is ok because you are both tired and maybe a little annoyed.

I wonder if this is happening to me now. Hard to tell since The Chemist is away, but I wonder if we're reaching the point of no comfortable return? When I talk to him, is he looking into my eyes or just "at" me? When I walk into a room of crowded people, am I still the only person there?

I'd like to think so. Hope so. Know so? I don't know. I talk too much; who knows if he's really listening? Hell, I'd tune myself out after a point.

He's probably going to read this and think I'm way off base, but here's some food for thought: (yes, more food)

-Earlier in the year I wrote about how love should be comfortable- how you should fit together with that other person like a puzzle piece instead of getting all nervous and weird. It's because that person is familiar, not too familiar, and it is a comfort to know that they are around.

-As I move out of the honeymoon phase (which I think I did about a month ago) I'm starting to gain some identity in this relationship as I branch out in meeting new people, creating new "stuff", etc.


So, there's a nice rant for the day. And I promise for this entire entry, I had my top button securely fastened.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Oh Where Oh Where has my Chemist Gone?

So The Chemist arrived in CA today for a super secret mission for work. He'll be there for a few weeks, leaving me to my own devices: sleep, reading, writing, and trying hard not to substitute carbs for my boyfriend.

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Here's to sleeping on the entire bed, no one to share the remote with, and lonely Sunday nights. Woo.

Am I Shameful or Shameless? A Meditation on my Writing Process

I have so many things at work to write and edit today. It's the life of the copywriter isn't it? You write and re-write, and hope you're meeting your target audience on the next re-write. I enjoy it. I enjoy building things and having them renovated only to increase their value. Essay flipping. I'm a machine some days. I churn out the copy on a conveyor belt for people to pick up, examine, put back into the factory to clean up or in packaging to send out to the next website, media outlet, t-shirt- you name it.

I am methodical. I am religious - words are my prayers and strung together I am chanting out blog postings, press releases, email blasts... I am always tired and ready to power down by 5:30 p.m. I rarely malfunction and put out flawed copy unless my mind is occupied with something else or I just can't seem to get a grasp on what "they" are looking for.

I am not this kind of writer at home. I am the kind that sits and broods, drinks wine and eats too much for dinner only to complain some more about how uncomfortable I am, how I just don't seem to belong in this vast world, and how tired my eyes are by 10 p.m. I make excuses for not writing enough. I cry when I read books I could have written better. I lose sight of my goals and watch TV instead. I am pathetic. I am confused. I am a blog away from deletion and starting over with a more exotic name and face. I wish to wear redder lipstick, have darker hair, be more mysterious and poetic at dinner parties. Maybe I should have a signature drink. Or a word.

Or maybe I should wake up on Sundays as the machine, and write like I would the next day and the day after that, and the day after that, until it's Friday and I'm aching for a glass of red wine and good conversation.

Or maybe I should ache for something more substantial. Like a book deal.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

1983.

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25. Yeah.